I was a really good Boston terrier this year. I know I peed on the doormat once, but that is technically outside. I don’t play in or lick the dirty laundry anymore…I can’t find it now, actually. Maybe it’s in the closet? I even guarded the car for a few minutes with a dozen cookies within reach, and I didn’t eat a thing! Jeff and Tara were so weird about it once they realized what happened. At any rate, I’ve come so far; remember when I tore open a grocery bag and ate a half-wedge of cheese?
Since I was so good, here’s what I’d love under the tree this year!
1. Snow boots, $46.98 on Hands ‘n’ Paws.
I went to the snow once. It was so fun to be outside, but it was different from San Francisco, and different usually bothers me. Did you know that snow is really cold? I refused to stand or walk on it for long — cursed tiny naked paws! – so the humans carried me to and fro. I got over my hangups once those giant frisbees you can sit in were sliding all over the place. So, I’d love to go back and do that again…equipped this time.
2. Stone Brewery Stone Bones, $6 from the Stone Brewery online store
When Jeff makes beer, me and my friend, Cash, wait excitedly for it to drip on the floor. Because I am therefore integral in the process, Jeff and Tara got me some dog treats from Stone Brewery once. They’re organic — I’m a San Francisco dog through and through — and non-alcoholic. They are also delicious, and this treat connoisseur would love more! I’d also love for the treat bin on top of the fridge to fall down and spill someday, but no luck yet.
3. Thermo-Pet heated dog bed, $39.95 on Cozy Winters
I love the heater! I come running from the other side of the house once it switches on, and I sit in front of it until (and beyond) I get too hot. In these chilly months, though, the humans move my space heater from its rightful spot near my bed. And, since Jeff and Tara mentioned getting me another bed for elsewhere in the house, I think this would be perfect. I know I ripped my old bed apart last time there was an earthquake, but I promise not to freak out on this nice one.
4. Chuckit! small tennis balls, $4.25 for two on Amazon.com.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy any and all rolling round objects. It’s just really frustrating when I can’t get my tiny jaws of life around a “normal-size” ball. I would love the squeaky ones (did you hear one just now? I think I heard one), but Jeff and Tara say I have “O-C-D” so I can’t have those.
5. Dog umbrella, $29.95, Hammacher Schlemmer
I hate rain. They still take me outside when it’s dripping water everywhere, and my jacket only covers so much. They later talk to each other about how I should stand under the human umbrella, but I don’t know what that means. Are they making fun of me? Because I am still wet and they still taunt me with their umbrellas.
Thank you, Santa! Oh, we don’t have a chimney, so you’ll have to find an alternate way in. Our place has a little Christmas tree in the window, you can’t miss it.
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