This year, we’ve all been exceptionally good. Ok, ok, there were a few hiccups, but we promise that we meant no harm. Dim Sum is really more of an outdoorsy type, so you can’t blame her for running away for the day. Pookie’s allergic to dogs, which is why she has to swat and hiss at Milo multiple times a day. And Gizmo suffers from low blood sugar, so it’s imperative that he eat at 4am, 6am, and 9am. Really, if you ignore each of our quirks, you could say we’ve been pure angels and deserve a few special items this holiday season. Rather than waste anymore of your time with silly banter, lets get down to it Santa.

What we’d like more than anything is for Santa to take care of a little problem for us. You know the problem we’re talking about. It has four legs, gets to go outside, and protects its stupid bones (as if our refined feline tastes would care for such a thing!) We don’t care how you do it, but make it disappear.

Once he’s gone, we’ll have more room in the house for the following items.

If mom’s not going to let us roam outside, we need plenty of places to lounge. We know we already have four beds to share amongst us three cats, but we really should have a few more, strategically placed around the house so that at least two are in full sun throughout the day. We think Atomic Attic’s vintage suitcase/office chair mash-up goes well with our mom’s design tastes. Plus it gives us some elevation to hide in should the above problem find itself unresolved by Christmas morning. The removable cushion is machine-washable, convenient for mom when one of us decides our previous meal was subpar and must evacuate it immediately. It’ll only cost the elves $129. Peanuts.

Speaking of meals, we know mom and dad hate hearing from Gizmo at the wee hours of the morning, but they really should be taking his low blood sugar into consideration. It’s not his fault that his muscular, 17 lbs. body would do better on a small portions throughout the day diet. Isn’t that the fad with humans anyway? If you think about it, they’re being quite selfish in limiting him to just two or three meals a day. Our current automatic feeder is basically a glorified kibble slot machine for Pookie. What we need is the Perfect Petfeeder Lux. The two bowl option would allow Gizmo and Pookie to get equal amounts of time with the kibble (Dim Sum can get our leftovers) and it can be programmed to dispense multiple small meals throughout the day, so Gizmo’s stomach er, blood sugar is always in check. A bonus for the ‘rents: it’s made in the US of A. We’ve noticed they’ve been trying to buy patriotically, so this will surely float their boat. Ok, it’s $500, but really, isn’t uninterrupted sleep priceless?

So, a few of us have a problem depositing directly in the litter box. It’s hard to know where your bum ends and the ground begins, you know? Plus, when there’s so much litter outside the box, it’s easy to confuse the appropriate place to drop a deuce. A top loading litter box would keep most of the litter in the box and make it harder for us to mistake where to aim our rears. We think ModKat’s stylish models would fit quite nicely in our parents already stylish home. Most models have sold out for the holidays, but if you pre-order by December 15th, Santa, you can get $50 off using the promo code “newyear50″. That brings the price down to $130, but we think we’re worth it.

Since it seems us cats have luxurious tastes, here’s an inexpensive stocking stuffer we would appreciate. We lurve catnip and we miss seeing dad’s moustache, so why not marry the two? Etsy seller maisonwares sells these rad catnip moustaches (2 fur $5). We would have so much fun shoving our faces into them and pretending it’s Movember all over again.

Well, that about wraps it up Santa (see what we did there, with the “wraps it up”! We crack ourselves up). See you on the 25th!

sincerely,
the cats.

P.S. Hey Santa, it’s me Milo. I guess the cats forgot about me. I’m sure it was an honest mistake. They’re just so busy with their plotting and demising that it’s understandable that I should slip their mind when writing this note to you.

I too think I’ve been a pretty good dog this year. I mean, I’m only 11 months old and I’ve only ruined a few items around the house. Plus, I’ve adjusted splendidly to the little human my parents brought home in July, even making it my full time job to be by his side 24/7.

I do have a chewing fetish, I admit it. I simply can’t resist chewing holes out of favorite knit hats, sweatshirts, and duvet covers. I’m sorry. It’s a fault of mine I can’t control. I really only do it when I get anxious. Mom’s been trying to help me out, but I don’t think she realizes that I not only like to chew things, but I especially like to rip things apart. The few plush toys she’s given me just don’t last very long, plus they’re stuffed with polyester fill, which to be honest doesn’t taste too good (or feel good coming out the other end).

I would love a Biters toy from Meirav Barzilay. Each doll is stuffed with large fabric pieces that I can’t swallow and make for easy cleanup when I disembowel the toy, plus there’s a tasty treat and squeaky toy (in the shape of an organ!) within for me to discover as well. Yeah, it’s only sold in Europe, but I think it’s well worth the international shipping. Much cheaper than buying a new comforter. Just teasing… kind of.

The little human and I are fast becoming best friends, which is a relief since I haven’t had the best track record in making friends in this here house. I just don’t get the cats. They have a weird way of playing. I try to show them that I too can scratch the carpet and hunt the red dot that occasionally zips across the floor, but I guess I’m not doing it right because they just like running up to me and punching me. It’s quite rude to be honest. Quite rude indeed. That’s why I stick by the baby and I think it’s only appropriate for the two of us to wear matching outfits. This pair of onesies (onesie for me, onesie for Fynn) by babawowo is like a modern, best friends forever necklace. Forty bucks ain’t that much to be this cute.

I love, love, love going on trips with mom and dad. I feel so lucky that they make special trips just so that I can explore a new beach or park. It’s super nice of them. I just have a problem with the car. I can get pretty antsy in my pantsy when I know we’re going somewhere awesome and I can’t help going between mom and dad’s laps while they drive. I know it’s not super safe, so I should probably have my own little spot in the car that I can get excited in, but just with myself. The $76 PetEgo Pet Tube seems pretty cool. It’s like a carrier that you can attach to a seat, just like a baby seat. In fact, the little human and I can have our seats next to each other for extra cuteness. It also compactly folds up, so mom and dad can stash it under a seat should another human need the space when I’m not around. Whenever that would be. Sheesh.

I also wouldn’t mind one of these dapper bow-ties from Best in Park, which sell for $17.50. I like to look stylish when I go out and I think the ladies appreciate it.

Thanks a lot Santa. I might bark at you at first when you come in on the 25th, but I’ll make up for the rude welcome with lots of kisses.

love,
milo

MORE HOLIDAY WISH LISTS

• Henry and Arthur’s Wish List
• Gida’s Holiday Wish List
• Happy and Joey’s Holiday Wish List
• P.Kitty & Biggie’s Holiday Wish List

Images: Unplggd (Perfect Petfeeder)

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